This guide goes over the most up to date and best discovered methods to speedrun newbie mode of the game. This also assumes you have already played the game.

This guide is for the best methods I know of to get the best run possible. There are many different methods to use if you want to cut down on luck and still get a great time. Though at its core, the game is heavily luck based.

Patrick 1: In round 1 you need to dodge his first attack and land three consecutive kicks. Repeat again for the next attack he does. Then repeat until he is dead. If Patrick does any rope attacks, then dodge and attack twice and resume previous method. Any time over 15 and you should reset. My best was an 11:50.

Patrick 2: Use the exact same methods. Can be a bit less risky if you want. A good run will be at or sub 40. Best I've got was a 35.

Reasons to reset on Patrick:

1. [LUCK BASED] If he does his 3 attack combo you will NOT be able to counter until he is done. Most of the time it's best to just reset if this happens.

Sandy 1: On sandy 1 the best method I know of is to dodge every attack and respond with a single kick. Repeat until dead making sure not to get hit. Do the same for tail swipes, dodge then kick. This is to build your Garry meter for round 2. A good sandy 1 time [For this strategy] is around a minute.

Sandy 2: You will want to do the same for sandy 2 as sandy 1 except once you have Garry charged you need to use it when you think she will not be doing a tail swipe. This is because when a fighter does a special attack in this game, Garry will not register rendering him pointless. As soon as Garry's animation is about to end, throw a kick. This kick will almost always land unless she does a tail swipe. Keep dodging and kicking until dead. A good Sandy 2 for this strategy is around 1:20.

Reasons to reset on Sandy:

1. If you get hit more than once, you should probably reset. Your Garry meter will be heavily affected.

2. [LUCK BASED] If Sandy decides to tail swipe more than 2-3 times in a single round, than you should reset.

Special Note- The much older method for this fight is similar to this except it revolved around you landing 2 hits each dodge instead of 1. This rarely ever works, and I mean rarely so its not recommended, though technically would be a time save. Just not a realistic one, or repeatable. You can sub it out though for 1 kick if you want. Good luck though.

Squidward 1: Luckily, squid ward is the least luck based fight in the game as your only able to hit him once, every attack. This makes the fight extremely consistent though leaves little room for time saves. For squidward you need to dodge every attack he does, and counter with a kick. Do NOT get hit at any point as you WILL need Garry for round 2. Just repeat until he is dead. Also there is a chance he will do his special spin attack, which you can just dodge and land a hit right after his animation stops for a free hit. A good time is around a 1:50, though my PB is a 1:47.

Squidward 2: Do the same with Squid 2 as Squid 1, except once Garry is charged, you need to throw him as soon as you are CONFIDENT that he is not going into a special attack. If Garry misses squidward here, just reset because its a huge time loss. Make sure to hit squidward right after the animation stops and he should be down.

Reasons to reset on Squidward:

1. if you get hit really at all

2. If Garry doesn't land :(

3. Over 4 spins in 1 round.

Special Note: It is alleged that it is possible to land 3 hits on squid ward at the beginning of squid 1. I have not this tested much but if possible it could save a game breaking amount of time.

if you'd like to see a video of everything written above then check out my 2:09 where all the methods are displayed.