Once upon a time, around 400,000 years ago, there was a monkey that had evolved beyond the capabilities of the other fellow monkeys.

He had gained the ability to understand abstract concepts and see through motives, he was able to complete complex tasks and solve complicated puzzles. This was no ordinary monkey, God has planned something special for this monkey.

One day our monkey was strolling around in the neighborhood when he suddenly stumbled across the local Walmart. Inside the Walmart he saw a disc-shaped object, a video game.

Released in 397,979 BC for the Nintendo Gamecube, he had found the first original copy of Super Mario Sunshine (possibly containing the 121st shine?) and the monkey marveled in aww at its seeming glory and greatness.

And so the monkey started playing through the game and quickly realized that this was no video game that the monkeys of 397,979 BC were used to.

This game was different. This game threw everything it had at him, making him clip through the floor, commit multiple genocides, and even randomly crash the game from time to time.

But much worse than all this, the game. made him. throw a banana, to clip through a wall, rather than letting him eat it (cause let's be real who the actual fuck goes into the men's restroom to go through the roof like that's just so gross man wtf).

The monkey could not stand this, it had had enough of this bullshit, it had had enough of this blasphemy. It had had enough of this game. All the monkey wanted was to go back to his old peaceful life, swinging in trees and eating banan like all the other silly monkeys.

But he couldn't. He had seen the other side. The game had completely consumed him. It had taken a part of him that it would never give back, and all the little monkey could do was >>cry about it<< all night, as he let out the following desperate outcry for someone to end his suffering: "Go Back, I want to be monke."

That monkey, Was me.